Just Be

Dear Self,

You haven’t written for so long and it feels so foreign to you now. Back in the day, you were expected to churn out three articles a day at work and sometimes you wonder how you were able to manage to make words flow so easily. Maybe it’s just easier before, because your headspace was filled with nothing but work-related things: fashion, events, and the who’s who in the social scene. No household to run, no kids to nurture, no business to operate.

Sometimes you wonder if you would like to go back to your life in your 20s. While it seems easier, simpler, and much more manageable, you realized that your life right now, right this moment, is the kind of life you were aiming for back in your 20s. It’s crazy how we often get sidetracked by various wants that we tend to forget that we already have all that we need. So now the question is, why do we always have the urge for something more?

You’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. So many ideas, so little time. Often you get overwhelmed and get paralyzed with the amount of work that needs to be done. Hence, procrastination ensues. Case in point: this blog, among other projects that you haven’t even started yet. Why can’t we just sit still and enjoy the present? Why is there always a need to work on something? Why is being mediocre not a good thing? What is the true measure of success? It it really that important anyway?

I don’t have the answers. Maybe there’s no real answer. Maybe you just need to write again and see where it will take you.

You have a love-hate relationship with writing. Writing is something that you enjoy doing, especially when there’s no pressure involved, like this letter, for example. You dread deadlines but always write your best ones when the time is almost up. You hate the part that it consumes you, but at the same time, when words flow like a river, it makes you feel so alive.

Do you want to write again? That is the question. It’s so confusing–to be in this stage in your life where you want to be away from the noise, but at the same time, would want to be heard. Maybe you will. Maybe you will try again. Wherever this leads, what I’m sure of is that this is all you, allowing yourself to just be.

Good luck,

Kabbie